Stumbling Around in the Dark

Okay, so I'm not yet finished reading Blogging for Dummies, but I just made my blog available on Google Reader and Google Buzz ... at least I think I have! 

This could go totally nowhere, or maybe I'll get severely spammed ... right? 

Hello! 

Anybody out there? 

Or am I still by myself, stumbling around in the dark? 


Hello?

Love-Hate Relationships

Ever had a love-hate relationship with anyone? Maybe a boss who could be so caring, then turn around and say the most unbelievably stupid thing? Or maybe a sibling who you would die for, but could kill at the next turn? Yeah, me, too....


How about a love-hate relationship with technology? Okay, so my mother-in-law couldn't figure out the microwave, but that was eons ago. I myself struggled back then to program the time on my VCR so it wasn't always blinking 12:00. 


I am usually fine with technology, but definitely have a love-hate relationship with the mammogram machine. 

How I hate having two of my precious, tender extremities squashed down as thin as buttermilk pancakes! 

When the radiologist says, "Okay, now hold your breathe," she doesn't realize that I stopped breathing after that final crank to tighten down the pads! 

My Lord! I know the mammo machine is a fabulous diagnostic tool, but did the Marquis de Sade invent this contraption? 

Would it be redesigned for comfort if men's delicate extremities had to undergo similar examination (crepes, anyone?)? A MANogram? Hmmm....

No More Suspense

Yay! The bubble burst! The suspense is over. 

    He wants to be friends. 

    That's fine. He has issues. Needs to work on them. 

    Okay, so I hear you thinking that this is a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I don't care. 

    The cat is out of the bag. 

    The pressure is off. 

    I would rather start off with honesty and work toward a friendship than keep dancing around the elephant in the room, so it's all good....

Why the Blahs?

I hate euphoria. It is a bubble that always bursts. "Day by day" I tell myself about this romance thing, trying not to draw suspicions into the moment ... but they are there. Something unsettled in him. I tell myself to just let it ride. Trust the process. Trust my gut. (Trust ... that's a hard one for me.)

Valentine's Day 2011

Ah, Valentine's Day ... my half-year birthday, and the day after the first date I've had in forEVER! Quiet optimism hovers. 

He was fun and funny, attentive, intelligent, silly.... 

Said he missed me when we went in our separate cars from a winery to a phö restaurant. 

Called me later after we had parted and headed our separate ways. 

Nice start. A beginning. Trying not to think too far ahead. Just smile today. 

Happy Valentine's Day! 

Scaring Myself Again

I have heard that you eventually regret what you didn't do more than what you did do. 

    With that in mind, I called the new guy. We meet Sunday. 

    I'm feeling s-s-s-sick and n-n-n-nervous. 

    I hope it doesn't sh-sh-sh-show....

I Scare Myself Sometimes

Two days ago, I was beseeching my deceased lover's spirit (spirits are not just for sipping!) to help me connect with a good man while I am still above the sod. "Come on!" I implored the air in my condo. "You know me, you know what I like, and who would be good for me. Okay, so you couldn't stick around in this lifetime, but we'll catch up in the next. For now, though, how about giving a little nudge to the guy out there who is meant for me so he'll show up—and soon?!" 
     Okay, this is where I get weirded out: Last night, only a day after my request, a gal pal and I were having appetizers at a well-known watering hole when a very nice guy who appeared to be about our age took the empty chair by me and started up a conversation. He not only inquired about where to go dancing, but discussed 'chick flicks'—and even recommended one! Most guys wouldn't navigate those waters! After a very nice chat, we agree that he should leave his number ....
     I scare myself sometimes when I ask the universe for something and it actually happens! And it's happened a few times in just the past few months. So ... Is this new acquaintance, in fact, the answer to my prayer? Only heaven knows! Stay tuned! Film at 11! Apply your own favorite cliché here while I go for a xanax....

Coffee with An Old Friend

Oh, he won't care that I said 'old.' We're both in our sixties, so I'm 'old,' too. We chatted about stuff going back to our high school days. He told me that he was worried about me after I split from my husband half a lifetime ago. After coffee, we went on our ways. On my drive to work, I remembered that he always checked up on me every so often, even if months and months had passed with no contact; he asked me to meet up for coffee or lunch, maybe just to see me in person or to be sure he could read me and how I was doing? Those mid-thirties years were rough for me. I was kinda 'squirrel-y' and I broke up a 15-year marriage that included two half-grown kids. I sang in rock bands, lived in a rented room, and gave myself permission to drink more than I should and live a bit of the wild life. I was lost. Plain and simple. Nice to know there's always been an angel hovering nearby .... 

When I Was Seven....

When I was about seven years old, I got the idea that I was really, really capable and smart—as capable and smart as any grown-up. I could read very well, was at the head of my class, and was totally confident that I could take care of myself, solve any problem, and generally make my way in the world ... even by myself. As the years passed, I lost that feeling somewhere along the way. I hope to regain it ... because I do remember how positive, how invincible it made me feel!  

Okay, I'm not political, but...

     I don't get the thinking behind those who do not want to raise our taxes during this financial crisis. I am willing to do my small part.
     First, I am definitely not in the upper 2% of wealthy people. I make it month to month, and had a year's-worth of furlough days end a few months ago. I see more furlough days ahead, what with the latest news from Gov Brown, but I am happy I have a job and it seems stable. I get no subscriptions of any kind; no bottled water; rare meals out; don't belong to any group charging a membership fee; and I even dumped my cable TV, internet, and land line over a year ago. The upsides? I have a job; I am buying more vegies (better for me); my electric bill has gone way down; I read more; home projects are getting done; I socialize more; and I now have a cell phone! It cost me a whopping $14—text and voice only ... no photos, no internet, no instant posting to, well, to anything except this blog. 
     All that being said, does it seem right that taxes are not being raised or extended on everyone to get us out of our financial mess? Heck, I would chip in another 1% for 'the cause.' Can't the richest of us do it, too, eschewing all those tax loopholes not available to my tax bracket? I'm not seeing this as punishment for them being financially well off, but as them 'giving back' to this country ... a act of support to prime the industrial pump a bit, to help the means of production stay afloat so those who make the widgets can take care of their families.   
     Forcing layoffs hurts us all: Fewer tax dollars are collected; our unemployment payouts increase; dropped health insurance means that expensive emergency rooms are used more; inability to pay mortgages puts more foreclosed homes on the market, causing a glut of in the market. Couldn't this be greatly mitigated with maybe an extra 1% in taxes instead of forcing people out of their jobs? Does the current strategy make sense to you?
     Okay, you may now officially dub me Ms Information! I told you up front that I'm not political. 

Mea Culpa!

(about Laura)     Okay, so I goof once in awhile ... like bringing a friend to my grown daughter's house for SuperBowl Sunday without telling her ahead of time. Like I do it all the time. NOT! 

    I didn't expect it would make a ripple, but it did. And this younger friend, same age as my daughter, continues to have issues about her former boyfriend. He's a manipulator, but she is drawn in.

     I listen, try to comfort, always tell her to move on, to get over it. 

    I have mentioned this to my daughter. She has a good head on her shoulders. I expected some sympathy from her for my friend, but I got a lecture from her instead about how long this has been going on and how many times I've mentioned it! 

     So why does it hurt to have my own kid tell me, first, that I goofed in bringing over someone unannounced and then follow that up by telling me that I'm the one who should quit repeating my own useless behaviors? 

    Would the same remarks have made even a ripple coming from a non-related friend? Hmmm. 

    Well, before telling me to quit helping people who don't help themselves, she DID start by saying that I have a big heart ....

     Maybe what I need to quit doing is mentioning other people's problems to her.

     Or quit trying to help people who won't help themselves? 

    That girl of mine is pretty savvy.

Finding My Way Around....

Having to figure out blogging and how to text in a blog message. 

    This whole process is sort of cumbersome, just like having to figure out life ... read some, learn some, do some, correct some! 

    Clean up the mess, then read some more, learn some more, do some more, correct some more.... 

    It gets better as one goes along!